


Homecoming

by nanuk_dain



Series: Impossible Relationships [21]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-01
Updated: 2012-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-31 23:02:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/349306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray waits for Tim to come back home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> So, this will (again) be the last fic in this series for a while, I guess. I still have at least five more fics planned, but tomorrow I'm leaving for three months of backpacking around the world, so I don't know how much time I'll have to write and how/when to get it posted. Anyway, if somebody lives in Singapore, Australia, New Zealand or Canada and wants to meet for a chat over (M&M-)coffee, let me know! ^_^

[ ](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

Tim did another tour. 

Never before had Ray understood, really _understood_ , what it meant to stay behind. He found a whole new respect for military wives all of the sudden. Not that he was a woman. Or married to Tim, for that matter. That was still kind of illegal in the good ol' US of A and would get Tim kicked out of the Navy.

For a moment, Ray had regretted his decision to leave the Corps, had regretted it so much that he'd been tempted to re-enlist. But he knew it would be useless, he would never end up in the same platoon as Tim, and even if he did, he just _knew_ that neither of them could deal with being that close yet unable to touch or even _talk_ like they wanted. It would be torture, it would be risky, it would be incredibly dangerous for both of them.

Knowing all that didn't change that Ray _wanted_ to be there with Tim, wanted to have his six and keep him safe. He knew what it was like over there, knew the risks and the dangers, knew the chances to get injured were high. He pointedly refused to even _think_ about the possibility that Tim could get killed. 

The first days were the worst. Ray tried to keep himself busy with college and work, but he could never make this queasy feeling in his stomach disappear entirely. The tour was supposed to take five months, and after the first week Ray wondered how _he_ should survive that. Maybe that constant queasy feeling was going to recede with the time or he'd get used to it. Anyway, he'd have to find a way to regain his appetite, or he'd be nothing but a skeleton when Tim came back. 

_When_ , not _if_.

After the first month, it became a bit easier. Ray was approaching the exam period and combined with the assignments that were due the week before, it gave him enough to do that his mind was at least distracted enough not to think about Tim every other second. And there was the occasional email, a short call, once even a skype video session of about three minutes while Tim was still in the camp south of Baghdad. It wasn't enough, it _couldn't_ be, but it did the job to let Ray know that Tim was all right. Mostly, at least. Yet they had to be so very careful what they said, what they wrote, and never before had Ray hated DADT so much. He'd never given the rule much thought before – it hadn't really concerned him – but now that Tim was over there in that shithole, Ray wanted to let him know that he was thinking of him, that in the morning he still put out the coffee cup for Tim half of the time, that watching TV alone just wasn't as much fun and that the bed felt too big when Tim wasn't in it with him. Okay, so maybe Ray wasn't going to admit such a girly things _ever_ , but he still wanted Tim to know that he _needed_ him to come back healthy and whole. 

Sometimes Ray even wanted to have some dirty talk, maybe a short session of hot and naughty telephone sex, but he could see that the Corps might have had a problem with that even if they'd been a straight couple. 

After the second month, a monotone kind of routine had settled in and Ray managed to pretend that he was fine. People at work and in college had finally stopped asking what was wrong, although Ray couldn't tell if it was because they'd got used to it or because he had become better at hiding it. But then there were moments when the fact that Tim wasn't there hit him like a bucket of ice water in the face. It mostly happened when he was alone and at home – Tim's apartment had long since become _home_ – and Ray was glad that nobody was around to witness those moments of epiphany. They left him feeling miserable in a way he never wanted anybody to see.

The first time it had happened had been early one morning, a few days after Tim's departure, when Ray had slowly woken up, still caught in the hot dream that had made him get all excited. He'd tried to press back against Tim only to find that the space next to him was empty. He'd been confused, wondering what on earth had managed to get Tim out of bed this early, and it had taken a look at the untouched pillow next to him to remind him that Tim wasn't there. Wouldn't be for months. Ray had hugged his pillow and pressed his nose against the bandana around his wrist, pretending that it still smelled like Tim, knowing that it didn't. Needless to say that the day had gone down the drain after that. 

There had been more of those moments, smaller and bigger ones. Like the coffee cup in the morning and the M&Ms. Every time he saw the candy, Ray wondered if Tim had already found the bag he'd hidden where nobody but Tim would find it. Or that one time when he'd come back from the deli with Tim's favourite strawberry jam, just to bury the jar in the back of the cupboard afterwards. Ray hated strawberry jam. 

Sometimes Ray wondered when he'd become so dependent on another person. It kind of scared him. Independence and the strength to make it on his own had always been so important to him. Ever since he'd been a too small kid growing up in the rough neighbourhood of a trailer park, he had focussed on being strong enough to defend himself against the bigger kids, and although he'd had friends, he'd always been careful not to depend on them so much that they could break him should they ever betray him. 

Tim could break him. 

Ray knew that, had known it for a long time. But somehow he also knew that Tim would never do that, and although he couldn't say what he founded that trust on, there was no doubt in his mind that Tim was worth his trust. He tried not to think about stuff like that too much, it only made his head hurt and increased his need to see Tim until it was almost unbearable. 

Ray counted the days, although he would never admit that to anybody. Okay, so his grandma knew, but only because he'd involuntarily spilled it when she'd asked him in the middle of the second month how long Tim had been gone. He'd answered with the _exact_ time, down to the hour. She hadn't teased him, though, she'd only told him that 'young Timothy' was 'a very capable man' and that Ray should remember to bring him the next time he came to visit. Ray would never be able to tell her how much her words meant to him, but he had the feeling that she already knew.

The last week before Tim was scheduled to come back was even worse than the first week after he'd left. The queasy feeling in Ray's stomach was back full force and he couldn't stop thinking about the moment when Tim would _finally_ come through the door. People at work and in college started to ask again if something was wrong.

On the day of Bravo's return, it took all of Ray's deeply ingrained discipline not to drive out to the base where he knew the men were could arrive any minute. He couldn't concentrate the whole day and when he got back home that evening to find the lights still switched off and no duffel in the hallway, he knew that the plane hadn't arrived yet. The following hours of waiting – he looked at the clock on the wall in the kitchen every few seconds – were the most miserable hours of his life, he decided when he stared at the clock yet again only to find that the hands hadn't moved.

When he heard footsteps outside the apartment, Ray jumped to his feet immediately and hurried to the door. He pulled it open and there Tim was, _finally_ , after five months, three days and fourteen hours of waiting. Real, alive, in flesh and blood.

Ray felt all words die in his throat. He'd thought about this moment, had imagined it so many times, had made plans what to do. But now that the time had come, he couldn't remember any of his ingenious plans or his intelligent words. All he could do was feel. There was a wave of emotions – relief, happiness, desire and the overwhelmingly strong urge to touch, to reassure himself that Tim was really there, that he was alive, that he was fine.

So Ray took a step forwards and pulled Tim close, wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed their bodies together from head to toe, not hesitating, never giving the dirt any thought. He just held on, his nose buried against Tim's neck, breathing in the familiar scent hidden beneath the smell of sweat, gun powder and unwashed clothes. It was exactly what he'd needed to reassure himself of Tim's presence, and the way Tim's arms had closed around him with the strength of a steel band told him that it was exactly what Tim needed, too.

Ray pressed his lips against Tim's neck in a lingering kiss before he let his tongue trail over the skin, needing, _craving_ to relearn Tim's taste, the feel of his body under Ray's tongue. Tim shuddered in Ray's arms, his breath hitched and his arms tightened even more around Ray, hands splayed out on his back. Ray pressed against Tim, and although he knew they couldn't physically get any closer, he felt the urge to try.

Ray trailed his lips up Tim's neck to his jaw, a path of licks and kisses and nips, until his mouth found Tim's in an almost chaste touch. For a moment it was enough to just take in the taste of his lips, but only for a moment, then Ray needed more – _Tim_ needed more, because when Ray titled his head to find a better angle to invade the mouth under his, his tongue was met by Tim's, accompanied by a hoarse groan. He kissed Tim with everything he was, putting all his emotions, all his longing, all his relief into that kiss. His hands carded through Tim's hair, held on, tugged, clenched to fists, let go again just to return right away. 

Tim was all over him, his hands found their way under Ray's tank top immediately, touching his chest, his sides, his back in almost frantic caresses. He didn't even let go of Ray to push him inside the apartment and kick the door shut. It hit the lock with a loud bang, but neither Tim nor Ray cared. What was important was to get rid of their clothes so that they could touch without any fabric between them. It took only a few minutes and they stood naked in the hallway in a pile of clothes, the dirty uniform strewn all over the floor along with Ray's clean jeans and tank top. Tim didn't say a word, he just pulled Ray with him into the bathroom, holding his gaze firmly. His eyes told Ray everything Tim didn't put in words, and it made a shiver run down his spine. 

Tim switched on the water and let it run for a moment before he pushed Ray under the spray, never breaking their kiss for longer than a second. He followed Ray, pressed against him and only let go when to hold his face under the hot water, letting it run down his entire body. A deep, heartfelt sigh left Tim's lips, a sound of profound pleasure and bone-deep relief, and Ray noticed how the tension eased out of Tim's body more and more with every second. Ray reached for the shower gel and let his hands travel over Tim's skin, thoroughly cleaning away the dirt, the sweat, the wariness that lay under it all. Ray felt the tense, cramped muscles under his fingers and began a firm but gentle massage, working all of Tim's sore spots that he knew so well that he would have found them blindfolded. Tim melted into his hands, his eyes closed and his head hanging in ultimate relaxation, a sign of unconditional trust that made Ray feel warm all over.

When his hands carded through Tim's hair to rinse out the shampoo, Tim turned around and let his head fall back to grant Ray better access. His eyes were still closed, his mouth slightly agape and he made little noises of pleasure that sounded like purrs coming from deep within his throat.

"Josh..." Tim leaned back against him until his back was flush against Ray's chest and his butt pressed against Ray's growing erection. He rubbed against Ray's hardness with delicious friction, moving his hips in slow movements that Ray was tempted to call needy, desperate even. 

"Josh, I need you to..." Tim stopped as if he was unable to continue, and suddenly Ray understood. He wrapped his arms firmly around Tim and pulled him close, hands spread out possessively on Tim's chest, his erection nudged between Tim's legs. Ray leaned in to bite Tim's earlobe and Tim shuddered against him. 

"Re-stake my claim?" Ray murmured in Tim's ear, voice rough and almost silent.

Tim pressed back into Ray, his eyes closed, and turned his head until his lips touched Ray's cheek. "Yes, God, _yes_."

Ray couldn't help the shudder that passed through his body at those words, said in a low, raw tone that spoke of need, desire, _trust_. He didn't hesitate to follow Tim's wish, didn't make him ask twice. He just reached for the shower gel again and poured a generous amount in his hand before he let his fingers find Tim's opening. It had been long, for both of them, so Ray was careful to go slow, use lots of shower gel as lube and make sure Tim had adjusted before he added another finger. Tim writhed under his touch, pressed against Ray and groaned in protest when Ray pulled back to apply more slick. 

"Don't be gentle, Josh." Tim panted and pushed back onto his fingers. "I want to feel it. I _need_ to feel it." 

It was enough to make Ray's brain short-circuit. He knew Tim, knew he'd never say something like that if he didn't mean it. Ray was almost painfully hard, the blood pounding in his ears and his arousal so strong that he felt as if he was close to exploding. Tim's words made his barely kept up restraints snap and his left hand grabbed Tim's hip while his right coated his erection with more gel before positioning it at Tim's opening. He craved being inside Tim in a way he hadn't even been aware of an hour ago. It was a necessity, an overwhelming urge to claim and to possess. Tim was his, had been for over a year, and Ray suddenly felt the need to prove it. He slid into Tim in one controlled, long thrust, the passage eased by gel and the muscles relaxed. Tim arched his back with a hoarse groan, pressing back onto Ray's erection with determined strength, never faltering or hesitating, never stopping until Ray was completely buried inside him. 

"Josh... God Josh... missed you so goddamn much... missed this..." Ray had never seen Tim like this, completely lost in pleasure, voluntarily handing over control, needing to be touched, craving to be claimed. He had never heard him ramble mindlessly, telling truths he'd usually hold back, allowing himself to be needy and desperate and _vulnerable_. It did things to Ray's insides, intense things, and he suddenly understood that this was one of these rare life-altering moments people always talked about. It was the moment Tim had decided to give him something special.

He gave Ray _everything_. 

Ray was overwhelmed by so many feelings that words left him, so he pressed a lingering kiss on Tim's shoulder before he began to move slowly, almost lazily. Tim fell into his rhythm immediately, meeting every thrust. His head was thrown back, his eyes closed in pleasure and his mouth open in mindless noises of ecstasy every time Ray hit his prostate. His fingers were entangled with Ray's where they rested on Tim's hips in a firm grip, moving with the slow thrusts.

Ray's world narrowed down to the contact of his body with Tim's, from the touch of their hands and the hot press of Tim's back on Ray's chest to the friction of his erection sliding in and out of Tim. He could smell Tim's skin where his nose was pressed against his neck, he heard the sounds of mindless pleasure that left Tim's mouth at every thrust, he felt the way Tim gave in to him, let go of all control, _trusted_ him. It was mesmerising. 

It was _beautiful_.

"Josh... Mark me." Tim let his head fall to the side, exposing his throat to Ray, giving him unhindered access. Ray shuddered, the tremor passing through his entire body.

"Please, Josh." Tim's voice was so low it was barely audible, and it sent shivers down Ray's spine. Ray quickened his pace and wrapped his right hand in a tight grip around Tim's leaking erection before he pressed his lips to Tim's exposed neck, right above his collarbone, and began sucking a mark to the soft skin. Tim arched under him and made noises Ray had never heard him make before, then his whole body shuddered and he came in Ray's hand. His interior muscles clenched down around Ray, the sudden stimulation so strong that it pushed Ray over the edge. He bit down on the skin under his teeth when he was overwhelmed by waves of pleasure, his orgasm drawn out by the contractions of Tim's muscles around him. It stole his breath, made him pant and shudder in aftershocks. It was heaven.

Ray felt Tim begin to sink down only moments after they'd come, as if his legs had given out, and Ray wrapped his arm firmly around Tim's waist to hold him upright. Tim leaned heavily against Ray, trusting him to hold him, his breath coming in pants. The water ran down their bodies, warm and soothing, washing away the remnants of their activities. It took a few minutes for their breathing to normalise, and Ray allowed himself to indulge in the lazy contentment of aftermath.

"Thank you." Tim whispered once his breath had slowed down again, his voice raw with emotion.

Ray kissed the spot behind Tim's right ear, the one that always made him shiver. "On the risk of sounding like a teenage girl, but you know I love you, right?"

Tim tensed for a moment before he relaxed back against Ray, pliant and boneless, and the warm smile was clear in his voice. "I do, but it means a lot to hear you say it."

Ray smiled and pressed another kiss behind Tim's ear. "I'll make sure to say it again, then."

Tim shuddered and cuddled further into Ray's arms that were still wrapped tightly around his waist. "God, I missed you so much, Josh. I missed you so goddamn much."

Ray closed his eyes, breathed in Tim's clean scent and smiled against the skin under his lips. "I know."


End file.
